Zeeast.......Memory of Broken Soul

YOU LOVE HIM MADLY.And he loves you in return. or does he? You keep getting these suspicions that he's eyeing up others, or even play ing away. You suffer the agonies of damned. You're so jealous that it hurts. And yet you know that if you carry on being so jealous, you 're going to end up driving him away.
Why do we get jealous?
Most people get jealous at some time or another. it's often based on insecurity- you think so little of yourself that you can't believe that your husband would stay with you. Or you think so much of your husband or giance that you're convinced he can have his pick of women.
As result , you get over- wary, ultra suspicious. You start seeing signs of disaster every where. And typically you then go on of two ways- you become an angry 'control freak' -challenging everything your partner does- or you turn into a cling 'victim' , When you act all weak and dependent.
on one level , jealousy 's instinctive you want to protect your relationship and keep your man. But life experiences can make us all vulnerable to jealousy. If you've been upstaged in love, if previous love left for an other woman, for example, then you will be more warry. Or if you haven't had much luck in finding some one and don't feel you could get a replacement, you may be more susceptible to possessive feelings.
Hhow can we control jealousy?
The firt thing is to check is whether , in fact, you should control it. If you've never been jealous beore and yur man has a track record of playing around, then may be there's a very good reason why you're feling anxious. If so . make a clear statement that you will not put up with two timing- and if he tries anything, simply walk away.
But if you know you're always jealous and if you know that it's unreasonable, there are five key strategies that will help you cope:
1- Though it out.Simply ignore your feeling of jealousy and pop them in a mental box marked'not to worry'. If you can keep a rein on your emotions and not throwwobblies at your husband, then in time you will grow more secure and therefore less jealous.(But beware of pushing your feelings down so much that they pop out in a rage every time you have an argument.
2-Build you self -esteem. If your jealousy is based on believing that you are not worthy of your partner, then feeling better about yourself will cool you down. So become aware of your strengths, be good to yourself , ask those who care to tell you what they value in you.(But beware of countinually asking your man the, "Do you still love me?' question-whingy neediness will drive him away in the end.)
3- challenge your jealous thoughts.Underpinning most jealousy is a misunderstanding of the situation. So take a cold hard look at what is happening- maybe even getting a trusted friend to give you their opinion.In particular, challenge your belief that your man is going to wander off with the first bimbo that crosses his path. He almost certainly won't.
4- share your fear clearly .If you tell a caring and sensitive partner how bad you feel , he will be able to reassure you. So if a specific incident makes you worry, then come clean. 'when I saw you chatting to your gorgeous colleages, I felt scared that you would like her more than me.'(But beware screaming, sobbing or hissing these words-attack just makes things worse.)
5- Step into your partner's shoes.Try imagining that you are on the receiving end of your own behaviour -how would you feel when you faced with your questioning , suspicious or worry? He, mean while, could imagine he is you-which may make him rethink some of his jealousy- inducing actins.(But beware this turning into a slanging match of theI'm hurting more than you are' variety.)
If it all goes pear-shaped
But what if your husband does fall for someone else and leaves? What do you do then? One of the best way of guarding againstjealousy is to know you could handle the worst if it happened.
And you could. A few years after most break-ups, female are having the time of their lives ,. So you will bounce back , and you will almost certainly do it very quickly indeed.
A final thought . If your husband does choose some else, this doesn't mean you are lacking. You are lovable whether or not your husband loves you. And some where out there is a man who will love you much, much more than the one who just left you.